SHALL WE DANCE?…

There is a new dynamic in the marriage of Michael and Rosalyn Lieb. They have been married almost a half century. He is an English Professor and she is a lawyer. They have both retired. Not that they wanted to. Life gave them a new challenge. They both have Parkinson’s disease. This is the new third partner in their lives. How they deal with this and the new “hobby” they have begun doing makes their story most interesting.

They are dancing. Research indicates that exercise is good for these patients and combining music with movement seems to create some positive changes in their bodies. Parkinson’s is trying to slowly take their bodies away and dance is giving it back.

Lindsey Tanner, (associated press) writes “that Michaels diagnosis began 11 years ago and Rosalyn became his caretaker. But two years ago she developed a tremor too and was diagnosed as well. “I couldn’t believe it. It seemed incredible to me that we both should have the disease” he said. “It came as a real shock, a real downer. No-one in either family had a history of this disease- it came out of the blue.”

This couple still loves to read, go to the symphony and opera and get together with family and friends. In addition, once a week, they head to an unusual Chicago dance class tailored for Parkinson’s patients. A nurse first recommended it to Michael three years ago and his wife went along-first to help Michael and now to help herself as well.

The tremors and stiff, awkward movements of Parkinson’s hardly seem compatible with dancing. But exercise is recommended for patients to improve flexibility and brain specialists are investigating if dance offers something more. For this couple the answer is clear: “It just lifts the spirits. It does transport us, to a different planet where Parkinson’s doesn’t matter so much. We check our disease at the door and we’re all one community, mutually supportive and we dance together. It’s just a marvelous experience.”

These dancers are not professionals. Yet their moves are poignant and stirring. Some are in wheelchairs or can barely move without their partners’ help. During a recent class, a man stood behind his wife’s chair, leaning down to gently stroke her immobile arms in time with the music. A pianist with two small drums fills the studio with a steady, soothing beat. Their teacher, Sarah Fuller, leads students through basic dance exercises: rhythmic arm lifting, bending and foot stomping. Sometimes they are seated in chairs, sometimes on foot, sashaying in a way with their partners across the dance floor.

Sarah commented: “they assume that they’re not dancers, whereas I see them as dancers. I don’t see the disease-I try not to. I try not to let it permeate the room. But I also see them working through it and pushing to find new ways of movement”.

Music speaks to the emotional brain. Research at Washington University in St. Louis indicates that Parkinson’s patients walk more quickly and with less stiffness if they do the tango twice a week. They theorize that when you hear music it may bypass damaged brain cells making movement easier.

Michael and Rosalyn are less severely affected by Parkinson’s than some of their class mates. Yet their hands shake when they swing their arms toward the ceiling and their halting strides across the floor aren’t as long and graceful as Fuller’s. But when they face each other in a sort of do-se-do, smiling and rhythmically shifting their feet, there’s no question that they’re dancing. The class has become a highlight of their week. Whether the benefits are physical, psychological or both they say dancing” has mobilized something inside of us”.

They are a dignified couple. They are also philosophical about how their lives have changed from this disease. They have sold their family home and scaled down to a condo without stairs. Roslyn says: I have a goal of dancing at my grandchildren’s weddings. Together we represent one unit, one truly healthy person who is becoming unhealthy as time goes on. But that’s ok”.

This couple is dancing through adversity. Has a great ring doesn’t it? It is easy to imagine spiraling down and focusing on all that is lost when there is a diagnosis like this. They made a different choice. They chose to keep moving forward and to keep discovering new ways of being in the world and in their bodies. This article quotes them as saying:” We’re facing up to it and we’re enjoying each other in a way, and loving each other in a way, that would have been impossible without the disease”.

I am most impressed and humbled by this couple and how they are living their lives. I would like to get this amazing learning without a diagnosis of an incurable disease to prompt me. That is one of my intentions for the New Year. Keep moving forward and most important: KEEP DANCING! Ardis

The key that opens my door…

I read an article recently in the Arizona Republic newspaper about a homeless man who made an interesting choice.

Dave Tally spent most nights sleeping on a mat at a homeless shelter. During the day, he walked the streets. That is where he found a backpack with over $3,000 cash and a laptop in it. Enough for his own place, a bike to get around on and the means to fulfill a long wish list after being homeless for six years. He had found the backpack at the light rail station near the University. He knew it probably belonged to a college student.

The interfaith shelter had seen Dave’s potential when he showed up for a bed each night in his shelter which required sobriety. They had selected him as one of the programs night monitors. Although many shelters struggle with violence and crime this one rarely has such troubles. “The program works because people like Dave don’t want to do anything to hurt the people from the church who are kind enough to let them sleep there;” the director of the shelter said.

At the time, Dave was working a step recovery program. Drugs, alcohol and a string of bad decisions had dogged him for much of his life. He had lost his driver’s license when he got a DUI, lost his job, and bit by bit his life unraveled. He developed a plan with an agency caseworker to reach his goals. To get a job he needed to get his driver’s license reinstated. He had to pay fines. He had to get rid of some debt. A bag full of money would have been an easy fix. But to meet any one of those goals he knew he would have to keep attending his recovery meetings and telling the truth. He was committed to his sobriety. He also struggled with what to do with the money he had found. He confided in his mentor and he told Dave it was up to him to make a decision.

In the Resonance Repatterning seminars I talk about the affect dishonesty has on our energetic system. Even keeping one penny more than is owed you will diminish your energy. This demonstration is powerful for my students and gets us thinking about the choices we make and justify every day. Dave has never been in one of my seminars. He just knew that keeping the cash, “just didn’t feel right”. Dave says the choice came down to not being able to take something he didn’t earn from someone who might need it.

With the help of the shelter director they tracked down the owner. It did belong to a student who got distracted in a conversation on his cell phone and forgot his bag. He had planned to use the money to buy a car to replace one wrecked in a recent accident. Meeting him and hearing the student’s thanks and praises for his honesty and kindness made Dave feel good about himself. He had not felt that in awhile. It is hard to have faith in yourself when you’ve been digging through the trash for a meal and hurting the people who love you. Dave knows better than most how easily life can spiral out of control when it comes to the disease of addiction. “I didn’t want to waste all the good that people had done for me,” he said.

Dave’s good deed sparked an international outpouring of goodwill. People wanted to help get him off the streets. The story went national. He was interviewed by CNN, People magazine and ABC’s Diane Sawyer. A few foreign news outlets picked up on the story. Maxwell House coffee put him on a 30 second commercial as a part of a marketing campaign on the power of optimism. Donations started pouring in for him exceeding $10,000. A lawyer volunteered to fix his legal mess so he could get his driver’s license back. It took about 6 months but he arranged for him to pay restitution from his fund and do community service. A dentist fixed his teeth. The ripple affect of energy spiraling up when we do the right thing!

“I just want to thank everyone who was willing to help give me a second chance in life.” Even though he had enough money to move out of the shelter right away last year, he asked to keep volunteering and sleeping there. Last January, Dave moved into his own apartment. He chose a no-frills, five-unit complex across the street from a church where he had slept when he was homeless. He said he wanted “a reminder of where I’ve been and where I’m not going back again.”

Seeing Dave’s commitment to getting his life in order, the non-profit offered him an internship at a community garden it was starting to help fill the charity’s food pantry with fresh vegetables and fruits. In June, Sparks called Dave into his office for a review. “I messed with him a little, but I knew he was getting the job,” Sparks said. “He’d worked so hard.”

Dave says now has his dream career. “I’m blessed,” he said, adding that he hopes to return to school to further his horticulture studies. He is in the garden almost every day planting, digging and cultivating food that is distributed to community volunteers and to the food pantry. “I just don’t want anybody to have to take something out of the garbage to eat,” he said, explaining why he spends so much time in the garden.

Recently, he started managing an internship program that allows people who are homeless to volunteer in the garden. He doesn’t preach to anyone, though. “I let them know that when they’re ready to make changes, it’s possible,” he said.

“I learned in my recovery program not to judge other people. I guess all I can say is that if I hadn’t been at that point … where I was working the program … I wouldn’t have been at the point to make changes in my life.”

In the spring, when Dave’s license was reinstated, he bought a motorcycle. He follows a strict budget to maintain his simple lifestyle. “My bills, they get priority. Nothing else gets done until they get paid,” he said. “It’s a great feeling to be able to put back into society after being a person who was dependent on society for so long.” At the end of a day’s work, he gets to go home.” The key that opens my door is a privilege, and I have to earn it.”

It is amazing how many doors open when we do the right thing. Dave is a wonderful example of that. He chose well. Then he chose well again and again. That is all we can do. We are at the crossroads daily. What we choose defines who we are. Is Dave that unique? Or are there many people who are down but wealthy in spirit? What would you have done?? Ardis

LEAVE A LIGHT ON AND SAVE THE WORLD…

This was the challenge the Arizona Republic newspaper gave to the people of Phoenix Arizona over 60 years ago. “All around the country a horrible disease was making children sick. Polio was a highly infectious disease caused by a virus that invades the nervous system. In the 1940’s people were terrified of it. Nobody knew how it was spread or why some were spared. Most of the victims were children.

A national organization was created to help find a cure. There was little funding and the chapters were run by volunteers. The Phoenix chapter turned to the local newspaper for help. They asked Charley Hoover, ad director, if he could find some advertisers to help out. There was another reason they chose Charley. His little boy Tom had polio.

He wanted to help yet didn’t know how to raise a lot of money in a short amount of time. He went into Tom’s room to say goodnight. He turned on the light to talk with him. That’s when the idea was born.

The plan was simple like all good plans are. He would collect all the money he needed in just one night. At that time Phoenix was still a small town. So he blitzed the town with flyers and posters. There were radio ads and newspaper stories. All the promotional pieces said: turn on your porch light, fight polio tonight.”

It was a time of great fear and confusion; but not on this night. This night was about having hope and fighting back. On January 16, 1950, a huge fundraising effort was held to help the campaign to eradicate polio. If people wanted to give money they turned on their porch light. At 7pm air-raid sirens wailed and klieg lights blazed across the sky

As the sirens blared a group of marchers prepared to take to the streets. They had a plan and if it worked it would be remarkable. It could make a difference. But first, they needed to see a sign. Across the valley, porch lights began to flicker on. The light replaced the darkness”.

An army of volunteers, all mothers, marched into the streets to collect the money. One mother per block would go door to door. If someone was in an apartment or hotel room they were asked to hang a shoe on their door knob to let the collectors know they wanted to give. Edith Jordan, now 94, remembers that night. She turned her porch light on-“everyone did; everyone wanted to do their bit”.

At 8pm the sirens ran again and the campaign was over. All of the mothers took their collection to their local fire stations. And in the course of one night, in a city a fraction of the size it is now, the marching mothers collected $44,890.63 the equivalent of more than $400,000 today.

The people at the foundations national headquarters took notice. They sent a film crew to Phoenix and asked Charley Hoover to re-create all of the steps in the process. That film was then sent to every regional office in the country to show how they too, cold raise funds in just one night. “Phoenix has given you the pattern: You can do it!”

By the next year, the Mothers’ March was a national campaign. In 1953 more than $10 million was raised from the campaign. That money went to research including the field testing of a promising vaccine developed by a doctor named Jonas Salk. Within two years, new polio cases in the US dropped by 90%. The group that raised the money, the National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis, soon changed its name. Today it is known as the March of Dimes”. ( John Faherty, Arizona Republic newspaper)

Light, simplicity, community. It takes one person to create the pattern of hope so others can (“SEE IT). What Charley did was truly remarkable. There are people doing things like this every day. They are the pioneers. The one’s who find a simple answer to a seemingly hopeless problem.

In this season of light there are endless possibilities for new ideas. I challenge myself and others to focus on solutions. I am weary of hearing about how awful everything is. I prefer to spend my “energy capital” thinking like Charley did. What switch can I turn on that will lead to a life changing idea? aRDIS

Spreading the light

Can you identify the author of this quote?
“My mission as an artist is to capture those special moments in life adorned with beauty and light. I work to create images that project a serene simplicity that can be appreciated and enjoyed by everyone. That’s what I mean by sharing the light”.

Give up? It is Thomas Kinkade, referred to by many as the painter of light. He has painted over 1,000 masterworks covering topics that include nature scenes, beautiful gardens, classic cottages, lighthouses and powerful seascapes. Many American homes have a Kinkade hanging on their walls.

I recently spent an evening with Thom, viewing a movie about his life called “The Christmas Cottage”. I had seen this movie before but this time I “saw” if differently. It had all the saccharin, small town pulling together moments, silly comedy and the predictable happy ending. For me it rose above the mundane as it focused on the relationship between Thom, his mentor Glen and the true star of the film…THE LIGHT.

It’s a story of a talented yet lost young man who comes home to find his “old” life falling apart. The town is tired and struggling. His single mom has lost her job and is losing their cottage. His deadbeat dad is still not there for him. His mentor, a famous and successful painter who lives next door, is in poor health and losing his mind to dementia. Merry Christmas!

Our hero rises to the occasion and takes a job painting a mural for the town. They want to promote themselves as the Christmas tree capital of the country. He is not thrilled with the assignment but needs the money to help his mom.

We meet Glen, his mentor and “ideal” father figure. He is old, frail, drifting away and very bitter. He still mourns the passing of his wife and tries to capture her essence in what he calls his last painting. His hands won’t cooperate. He gives sage wisdom to Thom telling him that art is about life, beauty love and emotion yet he is spiraling down into an emotional and physical darkness. He lives in the past, remembering being in Paris with the woman he loved, feeling strong and alive. He talks about the light in summertime, surrounding the leaves on the trees and holding them somehow. “God is like the light; His hands holding the whole world together”. Glen has these beautiful moments of clarity when he retreats to his past. When he is pulled back to the present he is at first confused then so bitter:”you’ve made me an old man. I was young a moment ago”.

Glen asks him if he ever did a painting he didn’t believe in. Thom tells him about the mural project. Glen gives him a different point of view. He explains that this is an opportunity to change how people see themselves. If he is willing to see the town with his heart-that one image could change lives. “You can introduce men to their souls”.

Christmas Eve comes and Thom visits Glen. He has no money for a present; just love for his mentor. He lights a candle trying to pull Glen back from the abyss. It works. Glen makes peace with the present moment and begins his final masterpiece. When he gives it to Thom he shares his epiphany: “When you brought me the candle I realized that it’s the light-that’s what lasts. The leaves are transient. They grow and die. But behind them the light lasts forever. Paint the light”. Then he stared off into his preferred reality. His mind went away; maybe to a place where light burns brighter than we can imagine.

That Christmas Thomas Kinkade discovered that all we can do is our best to find that light and share it with others. He painted the people he knew just living their lives and they were deeply touched by how he saw them. His mural told their story and it was filled with light. It has filled his paintings ever since.

I love movies. Life gets resolved in about two hours. Tidy. But this story stayed with me. What is it about the light that has drawn us from the beginning of time? Einstein said “there is no darkness, only the absence of light”. It only takes a speck of light to change everything. Even our perspective.

Love is the brightest light of all. We could all use a little extra light right now. I have an idea. This Christmas season, whether you celebrate the birth of Christ, or the change of seasons, lets share the light. Let’s all buy one candle that is made right here and give it to someone. Someone in darkness. Someone in your family or community that is struggling and needs hope. You can become the bringer of the light. A small gesture that is filled with significance. You might just change someone’s life….imagine that! Merry Christmas, Ardis

T H A N K S G I V I N G …

What’s in a word?  Thanksgiving evokes thoughts of having a day off to eat turkey with our friends and family and watch football. Most of us stress too much shopping for and preparing the meal. We then eat too much, spend too much on “Black Friday” and then regret too much.

The official holiday was created by President Lincoln in 1863 as a national day of thanksgiving. That’s a nice idea. To have one day set aside to be thankful. For our country, our freedom, our abundance, our families. But they felt it needed some history behind it so they attached it to the Pilgrims. Why them?

I was taught that the pilgrims, in search of religious freedom, landed on Plymouth Rock after an arduous journey from Europe. The early Plymouth records refer to all passengers from the first four ships as “First Comers”. Now that’s an interesting phrase. It sounds bold, brave and curious. All qualities I admire. I looked up the definition of Pilgrim and found: “a traveler, one who has come from afar and is on a journey”.

That puts an interesting slant on the historical context for me. Thanksgiving is a day to give thanks and remember the pilgrims coming from afar on their journey.  I like thinking of myself as a first comer on my journey in life. It does make me feel brave, bold and curious.

Does it help me to be thankful? Of course it does. I feel better when I appreciate my life and my gifts. But did you know the words thanks or appreciation are the most powerful vibrations for healing, transformation and potentially peace?

Dr. Emoto, the author of “Miraculous Messages from Water”, was asked if he had come across a particular word or phrase in his research that he found most helpful in cleaning up the natural waters of the world. Dr. Emoto identified a special combination that seems to be perfect for this: “love plus the combination of thanks and appreciation reflected in the English word gratitude.

Just one of these is not enough. Love needs to be based in gratitude, and gratitude needs to be based in love. These two words together create the most important vibration. And it is even more important that we understand the value of these words. For example, we know that water is described as H2O. If we were to look at love and gratitude as a pair, gratitude is the H and love is the O.

Love is an active word and gratitude is passive. When you think of gratitude — a combination of appreciation and thankfulness — there is an apologetic quality. It’s coming from a reverential space, taking a step or two back. I believe that love coming from this space is optimal love, and may even lead to an end to the wars and conflicts”.

This year I am bold like the pilgrim giving thanks for all the abundance in my life. I maintain a constant state of gratitude. I am a traveler from afar on a journey towards a better me. What a trip! Happy Thanksgiving. Ardis

THE GREAT ESCAPE

I am traveling and teaching at the moment with a brief stop in Michigan to visit my family. My sister Carol has four dogs. Three of them are one year old black lab puppies from the same litter. She also has an eight year old rescue dog named Lola. This morning I was dog sitting. The three puppies were outside playing in the fenced in area. It is large and quite secure. It is also the beginning of deer hunting season and I was hearing shots in the surrounding countryside. Being aware of how sensitive they were to noise I knew they would let me know if there were either deer or hunters in the area.

I heard the barking and opened the door to let them in. Skippy, responded. The other two didn’t. I wasn’t concerned initially because they love to be outside and assumed they were still “doing” their business but Skippy kept circling around me, nudging my leg as if he wanted to tell me something. So I went out to check on them. Brody ran up to me with an “urgent” look in his eyes and he was whimpering. I put him inside and checked to see if he was ok. He did the same behavior as Skippy, circling me and nudging me. So I went looking for the third pup. She was nowhere to be seen. Panic set in. How did she get out of the fenced in area? Everything looked secure but she was not there.

 I went inside to get a jacket and Lola made it very clear she was going with me to find our wandering Sophie. Their home is off a busy road and the expansive back yard is surrounded with woods. There were hunters in those woods with guns. I was breathing slowly and deeply to keep the fear at bay and stay centered. I was fighting the panic and urge to start running around the yard to find her. Time was passing that could make a difference between finding her safely and losing her yet I stayed still and kept breathing. Lola was also still and standing right next to me. I looked directly into her eyes and said in a very calm voice: “go find Sophie, I’m worried and need to find her.” Lola nodded her head (I am not kidding, she did!) and started smelling the air. I waited for her to guide me.

I was thinking we should go to the right but she decided we needed to go left. I called Sophie’s name once very quietly not wanting her to think she was in trouble. No Sophie. Then Lola took off- running towards the woods. Knowing I couldn’t keep up with her I just stood there breathing and asking God to bring little Sophie back safely. The deer and the hunters were in the woods. Now I had two dogs possibly in danger. I was not being a very responsible doggie aunt. I could have gone ballistic at that moment. It would have been an easy choice. But I made a different one. I decided to trust Lola. She had been the adopted mom to these three babies. They adore her and she disciplines them consistently. If there was a way to find Sophie I trusted Lola to do it. I visualized them running towards the house together. Two girls out for a romp! Any minute now Lola would bring Sophie back home. I surrendered. I stayed completely still, breathing and trusting Lola.

Time moves very slowly when I’m afraid. I had fleeting moments of feeling guilty. I kept looking towards the woods. I heard a shot. My heart began to race. I kept breathing and seeing them safe. Within minutes Lola was herding Sophie up the hill, not allowing her to retreat. I hugged Sophie and put on her leash. I hugged Lola and she looked at me as if to say:”thanks for letting me do my job. I’m really good at herding my stray babies!” Sophie’s brothers surrounded her with love and kisses when we came inside the house. I imagine their telepathic communication :”How was it? Did you see any of those big dogs (deer) out there? Did you hear those loud sounds? Did you have some good smells? Show me how to get out so I can go with you next time…” Sophie was oblivious to the drama she had created.

I thanked Skippy for nudging me to check on his sibs when I let him in. I thanked Brody for alerting me to the escape and appreciated him for not following her out! Lola took her spot on the couch and looked at the three pups with wise eyes as to say:”you can run but you can’t hide!”

I love animals. They are wise with beautiful souls. They are capable of all the feelings we have. These doggies showed me how a true family works. They watch out for each other. When some member is in trouble they go into action. They make it through the drama without judgment or holding on and then relax once again. They teach me balance. I am listening… Thanks for the lesson puppies and thank you Lola for being such a loving and wise mama. Ardis

Putting our own mask on first…

When we fly we are instructed to put our own oxygen mask on first if there is a change in cabin pressure. Once that is taken care of we are in a position to assist those around us. We are experiencing a severe change in our economic pressure in this country right now. It has been evolving for decades and we are now reacting to these stresses with upset and blame. I received a wonderful email recently that had a very positive solution to this enormous issue:

” One Light Bulb at a Time”"A physics teacher in high school, once told the students that while one grasshopper on the railroad tracks wouldn’t slow a train very much, but a billion of them would. With that thought in mind, read the following..This past weekend I was at Kroger. I needed 60 W light bulbs and Bounce dryer sheets. I was in the light bulb aisle, and right next to the GE brand I normally buy was an off-brand labeled, “Everyday Value.. ” I picked up both types of bulbs and compared the stats – they were the same except for the price.. The GE bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value brand but the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was made in – get ready for this – the USA in company in Cleveland, Ohio. So on to another aisle – Bounce Dryer Sheets … . . Yep, you guessed it, bounce cost more money and is made in Canada . The Everyday Value brand was less money and MADE IN THE USA ! I did laundry yesterday and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce Free I have been using for years and at almost half the price!I was in Lowes the other day for some reason and just for the heck of it I was looking at the hose attachments. They were all made in China . The next day I was in Ace Hardware and just for the heck of it, I checked the hose attachments there. They were made in USA . Start looking. In our current economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects someone else — even their job. My challenge to you is to start reading the labels when you shop for everyday things and see what you can find that is made in the USA- the job you save may be your own or your neighbors!” It is time to take care of ourselves first. We don’t have to “ban” imports or be “anti” any other culture. Just read the label. If you want to buy something see if there is a version of that product made here. Then try it. If you are happy with it you have supported a product made at home. That means profits for the company based in the USA. If we start a trend then owners will pay attention. They might expand production, hire new employees and change their minds about sending orders elsewhere to be produced. Anger and protests draw attention to a movement. We are seeing a lot of that right now. This is a different approach. It is quiet. It is positive. It comes from a desire to support ourselves not diminish others or attack business owners or label them as traitors. Let’s try it. If the products are equally good and also less expensive then what do we have to lose? Even if the products are more expensive can we afford to continue our current trend? My uncle had a wonderful saying: “don’t step over a dollar to pick up a dime”. We have been picking up dimes for decades. Buying cheap. Convincing ourselves that made outside of the USA makes sense. I don’t think it does anymore. We can’t afford to turn our backs on our neighbors/on ourselves. No-one is going to put our oxygen mask on for us. We must help ourselves first and then when we are breathing well, feeling strong, we can help others. Ardis

BE LIKE THE LEAVES…

Fall is in the air. According to the Five Element theory from China, the season of autumn is an invitation to reflect and let go. Nature models this by dropping the mature leaves so the new buds can grow.  Most of us love the fall colors. We take trips to visit the maples and elms and we are mesmerized by their vibrancy. We are actually looking at the end of a life cycle. There is no sense of mourning or holding on. The leaves come into their full expression and drop off gracefully.

 

Many eastern cultures look at maturing differently than we do. If you make it to a certain age you have achieved success. You now have time to turn inward and reconnect to your essence. Are you feeding your spirit?  Are you laughing?

 

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity said: “Man sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he doesn’t enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die and then dies having never really lived.”

 

Being fully alive requires living in the present. To really show up and enjoy this wonderful gift that God has given us. Life is what we make it and it’s a choice. I can choose to focus on what is good in my life or use all my energy worrying about what is not working. Whether I am struggling with health challenges, family disruptions, financial insecurity…the list can go on and on- I can find something good to hold onto. Abraham Lincoln said: “when you get to the end of your rope, hang on, since you never know what is coming”.

 

Life is change. The more we accept that the happier we get to be. Autumn is a time to let go of anything that isn’t working. Maybe I need to clean out my closets and drawers. Or let go of my negative attitude or behaviors, my judgments and criticisms of others. Or maybe I have to forgive. Finally let go of that hurt I am carrying or that grudge against someone. Holding onto these hurts is hurting me, not the other person. Is it possible to forgive? Or maybe the better questions is: can I afford NOT to forgive?

 

When you forgive someone you are free of the pain, anger or sadness contained in that experience. When you make peace with it inside yourself you are taking your energy back. When you refuse to let go of the upset the other person is holding your energy and you have given them power over you. Forgiveness does not imply that the actions taken against you were ok. It simply means that you are done with it. You are choosing to close the door on that experience, learn what you can from it, focus on yourself and move on.

 

I saw this on a forgiveness website: “Very few people make it their life’s mission to hurt other people, especially those who they care about. Most are either thinking of themselves, or not thinking at all, but not thinking of deliberately hurting another. When they do hurt someone deliberately, they’ve likely justified it in their mind as revenge or a defensive action. Two babies playing in a sandbox, one baby takes the other’s shovel. The other slaps the thief baby, the thief baby hits the other with the shovel. Both start to cry. Fast forward 30, 40, 50 years and old babies all over the world continue this set of circumstances which ends up in a whole lot of sad old babies walking about.”

 

Babies truly don’t know better but adults do. We can choose our attitude. We can choose how we respond. In this beautiful season we are reminded to just let go of everything we no longer need. Be like the leaves. Be mature enough to recognize when it is time to drop the old with grace and dignity so a new thought, feeling or belief can blossom.

 

Ardis

What I learned from Mr. Rooney…

“We are, finally, all wanderers in search of knowledge. Most of us hold the dream of becoming something better than we are, something larger, richer in someway, more important to the world and ourselves. Too often, the way taken is the wrong way, with too much emphasis on what we want to have, rather than what we wish to become.” Louis L’Amour.

 

I thought of this quote today when I heard that Andy Rooney was hospitalized at 92 with serious complications after minor surgery. He has been my personal favorite of all the wise people in the world ready to share their knowledge on TV. I sense that most of them have dreams of being famous, larger than life, wealthy and well known. I don’t know if they have taken the wrong way as Mr. L’Amour indicated. It certainly is the more popular way. They peek into people’s lives and interpret their actions and motivations and become famous for it.

 

Andy Rooney took a different path. He never appeared to be the kind of man who emphasized what he wanted to have. He appeared to be a sage- a humble& humorous sage who noticed and commented on what he saw. Since 1978 he was a regular presence on CBS’ 60 Minutes; “A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney” where he looked at the absurdities of life and language. He talked about everything. Current events or what happened in the course of an ordinary day. He won an Emmy Award for an essay about whether there really was a Mrs. Smith behind Mrs. Smith’s pies.

 

He didn’t pretend to be anything other than what he was. He was cranky at times and let it show. He also was rumored to hate being recognized on the street. So if you saw him in a restaurant, he said as he signed off once, “please: just let me eat my dinner”. He was doing this before the current crop of “in your face” TV personalities. He was unique. He told it like he saw it without apologies.  He was not politically correct. He shared his opinion; his thoughts, his wisdom, his view of the world. He was a refreshing breeze. His last broadcast was the passing of an era. On October 2, 2011 he delivered his 1097^th and final essay and said it was a moment he dreaded; “I wish I could do this forever. I can’t though”, he said.  Me too; for it was the end of an era. With the passing of this icon I wondered who will show us how to poke fun at ourselves. Who will point out what is extraordinary in the ordinary on a weekly basis? Who will take the time to just chat about the idiosyncrasies of life? Or to even notice the little things that make life precious in this harried world we live in?

 

I would like to salute Andy Rooney with a collection of his famous quotes titled: “What I have learned”:

“That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person”.

“That just one person saying to me, you’ve made my day! makes my day.”

“That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world”.

“That being kind is more important than being right.”

“That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.”

“ That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.”

I wish Mr. Rooney a speedy recovery and may he continue writing and sharing his gift with us for many more years.

Ardis

TAKING CARE OF OUR OWN…

 

Everyone is talking about the problems in our country and everyone has an opinion about how to fix it. But while we are discussing it one woman is doing something about it.

 

Mary Donley is an 83yr old public health nurse serving the Block Island community. She has been their nurse for over 50 yrs. For many of those years she was the only health care provider they had. In an interview she said: “If you go in and listen it does more for people than anything. When there is no doctor they are scared. You don’t want to make the wrong diagnosis. I can’t help but think what if this was my family, what would I do?”

 

That is a great lesson for all of us in these times. If this was my family what would I do? I would pay attention. I would give assistance. I would care. Have we lost this basic response? Have we become numb to the needs of those around us because there is just too much need??

 

Watching this CBS news show featuring Mary was inspirational. The camera followed her as she carefully made her way down a dirt path to treat a woman with an ailing foot. In the next scene she slowly walked up a steep hill to visit a stroke victim with diabetes. It was a typical day for 83 yr old Mary, making her rounds.

 

Her personal story is about getting through and giving back. In her interview she speaks about the past: “If you have 7 kids you do what you have to do and keep going.” Mary found her calling and kept going through lives adversities by helping others.

 

She takes care of their physical problems but she also helps with their financial ones. The Mary D fund paid out $50,000 last year for electric bills, oil bills, water proofing a basement after Hurricane Irene, college tuition, day care. If someone is in trouble they call Mary. They come to her home to meet with her face to face. She listens and talks about personal responsibility and sticking to a budget. There is no board or bureaucracy; she makes the decisions about who gets what.

 

Block Island is a small community. If someone is in trouble everyone knows about it. Mary will get a call from the power company telling her that someone’s electricity is about to be cut off or a school will call about over due tuition.  She doesn’t give cash. She finds out what bills are over due and she writes checks to those companies.

 

Mary estimates that 30% of the islanders have turned to her fund for help. She understands the people in her community. Many of them contribute to the fund. She has been called a bleeding heart and also a steel magnolia. She hates the title of Saint Mary. Mary sees herself as an ordinary person who has been gifted with this. She feels like a kid, running around, doing things and she wants to hang onto it.

 

I would describe her as an ordinary person who made an extraordinary commitment to take care of her community.

The people of Block Island seem to take care of each other. Mary says “it is better to be here because these people are the ones who will take care of you. What you do for someone is never forgotten”.

 

Do we have to live on an island to have this philosophy? Can we take care of our own wherever we live? Our own  families, neighbors, friends? We don’t have to fix the problems of the whole world. We can focus on our own little corner. It seems to work for Mary Donley. She has more life force than people half her age and a beautiful attitude: “It’s life. I love life and I’m sticking with it. I will go with my heels dragging”. That’s the spirit! Ardis